


It Can Still Hurt

by Takara_Phoenix



Series: Shadowhunters Episode Tie-Ins [19]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Feels, All the Angst and Feels, Catarina is a Good Bro, Episode Tag, Episode: s03e10 Erchomai, Hurt/Comfort, Jace Feels, Lydia is a Good Bro, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Protectiveness, Slash, Threesome - M/M/M, dealing with everything that happened in that half season, magnus feels, poor boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-18
Updated: 2018-05-18
Packaged: 2019-05-08 14:12:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14695854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Takara_Phoenix/pseuds/Takara_Phoenix
Summary: Tie-in to the season 3A finale – the three have to deal with a lot that hurts afterward.





	It Can Still Hurt

Shadowhunters || Malace || Phoe's Tumblr Drabbles – It Can Still Hurt || Malace || Shadowhunters

Title: Phoe's Tumblr Drabbles – It Can Still Hurt

Fandom: Shadowhunters: The Mortal Instruments

Disclaimer: All rights to the Shadowhunters show reserved to Ed Decter, the books the show is based off and its characters belong to Cassandra Clare. This fanfiction on the other hand is entirely mine. No money is made with this, though reviews are more than welcomed.

Warnings: polyamory (m/m/m), fluff, hurt/comfort, protectiveness

Main Pairing: Magnus/Alec/Jace

Side Pairing: Lydia/Izzy, Luke/Cat (mentioned)

Shadowhunters Characters: Jonathan Christopher 'Jace' Wayland, Magnus Bane, Alexander Gideon 'Alec' Lightwood, Isabelle Sophia 'Izzy' Lightwood, Lydia Branwell, Catarina Loss

Summary: Prompt: "The doctor said it's normal" - "Well that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt." for Malace. Tie-in to the season 3A finale – the three have to deal with a lot that hurts afterward.

**Phoe's Tumblr Drabbles**

_It Can Still Hurt_

The loft felt cold and empty. Broken. Or was that just the echo of their own feelings...?

Alec was sitting on the couch, blankly staring ahead. He had nearly died three days ago. It had come so close that he was off duty for now, told to recover. Lydia had returned from Idris to back them up, to step in for Alec. They had talked and texted after she had left for Idris, never really losing contact. He was... friends with her now, even after the mess that had been their wedding.

After everything Alec had been through with Jace and after nearly dying, Lydia had come and told him to take some time off and to go spend that time with his two boyfriend. One of whom had been possessed and tortured, the other who had just lost his magic and immortality.

Alec and Jace had come to stay at the loft – even though _both_ had moved back to the Institute after Magnus and Alec had broken up over the whole Soul Sword incident. But staying at the loft didn't make _talking_ about what had happened any easier. Each of them were quiet and keeping to themselves, trying to digest what was happening. They were together, holding each other, kissing, laying together, but... it felt like they were world apart.

Jace kept staring around blankly, barely talking. Crying at random times. Between the possession, the things he had been forced to do, the disconnect of _trusting_ Alec and Izzy to get him just to wake up once again with Lilith, nearly killing both Imogen and Alec, and then losing Clary... Jace was broken. There... There was just no other word for it. Alec was trying, grasping at straws, but... Jace had already really been pushed to his limits from _dying_ and the hallucinations that followed, but the horrible things he had endured _after_ that. The plan still stood, sending Jace to the Silent Brothers for treatment, but _not right now_. Jace was just too fragile, Alec feared that removing him from the known environment just now would be too much. Not to mention that Alec had nearly lost him, he just... Alec was being _selfish_ , he could not let go of his parabatai just now.

If Alec would at least have Magnus to rely on, to lean on. But Magnus, he was still shaken from his trip to Edom. He was still suffering the loss of his _magic_. It was such an essential part of himself and now he had to deal with it. He kept trying to do things, small things, with magic, but he just couldn't. And then he would get this broken look in his eyes and just abandon whatever he had been trying to do and Alec had no idea what to do to make it _better_.

He wanted to help them both, but he didn't know how. And in the middle of it all, he was still trying to deal with nearly being killed by the Owl. Seeing Jace's face above him like that. It wasn't Jace. Alec _knew_ that. He knew it. But the way it looked, the way the Owl had looked...

"A—ah!"

Alec was startled out of his swirling thoughts, blinking slowly. He scanned his surroundings and found Jace sitting in a corner on the floor, with five kittens around him, looking like a startled deer too. Jace turned to lock eyes with Alec, tilting his head and getting up. Both of them headed to the kitchen, where they found Magnus sitting on the floor, holding his arm.

"Magnus? What happened?", asked Alec concerned, kneeling down.

"I wanted to get the damn bowl from the top shelf. But I _can't use my magic_ ", growled Magnus. "So I climbed onto the chair, but when I leaned forward, it slipped and now my arm hurts."

"It's broken", whispered Jace, gently running his fingers over the arm. "I can't help you. We can't use runes on you. I can't... I..."

Alec tried taking deep breaths. He was _so_ overwhelmed. Closing his eyes, he tried to focus.

"Okay. We have to get you to a mundie hospital, Magnus", stated Alec.

Magnus gritted his teeth at that. He _loathed_ how helpless he felt. He couldn't do the easiest magic and now _this_ – and he couldn't just heal it either. He was absolutely _useless_ without his magic. Helpless. He felt so stupid and he hated it. Everything was such a straining task. And now _this_.

/break\

Catarina frowned concerned as she entered pulled the curtains closed. The doctor had just finished the cast on Magnus' arm and the former High Warlock looked ready to murder someone. Alec and Jace were sitting in the waiting room, the trauma of the past week rolling off of them in waves. Catarina had decided to let them wait just a little longer and talk to Magnus for a moment.

"How are you feeling, Magnus?", asked Catarina gently.

" _Useless_ ", spat Magnus out, glaring down at his arm in anger. "Helpless. I just... I just needed to get this stupid bowl and I didn't want to bother Alexander with having to get it for me and now..."

"It's not your fault", sighed Catarina, caressing Magnus' hair soothingly. "You... still have to get used to not having your magic. But I'm sure Alec and Jace are more than willing to help you."

"You know I can't ask that of them", huffed Magnus, glare darkening. "Alec nearly just died and Jace... I can't even begin to put into words what our angel has been through..."

"Magnus...", sighed Catarina heavily and sat down next to him. "I understand that you don't want to burden them, but... they love you. They wouldn't want you to suppress your own feelings."

"I'm not suppressing. I'm prioritizing, Catarina", chided Magnus. "Right now, their pain is more important than mine. I will learn to use a ladder or whatever. They..."

Once again, Catarina sighed and shook her head. She caressed his hair once more before she left to get his boyfriends. Alec looked apathetic, Jace looked troubled, both curled together in the waiting room. All three of those boys had been through so much lately.

"Magnus would be ready to go home now", offered Catarina, voice soft.

"Angel, you go ahead?", suggested Alec gently, nudging Jace's face.

Jace looked troubled at that, but nodded. He kept looking back at Alec the whole way.

"He... He hasn't been alone since we got him back", sighed Alec. "He's so afraid of being taken again. He refuses to go anywhere without either me or Magnus..."

Catarina nodded briefly. "I wanted to talk to you about Magnus, but..."

"I know he's suffering", grunted Alec defensively. "I can _see_ it. I just don't know what to _do_. I want to help them, I want to... I don't..." Alec took a very deep breath and tried to calm himself down. "What can I _do_ , Catarina...? How do I make it _better_...?"

"You can't, Alec", whispered Catarina with pained eyes. "You're only human. You can't fix it all, regardless of how much you love them. They need help. _Professional_ help." Pausing, Catarina sat down next to Alec. "Luke lost his daughter." Alec looked up at that, confused but pained. "Clary was not his blood, but she was his daughter and now she is _gone_. It broke him to lose Jocelyn, I know how much he loved her. Clary was the only thing that kept him going back then. When we met, he was only slowly getting ready to move on and he was still feeling so guilty over something that wasn't his fault. And now... now Clary is _dead_. His daughter is dead, he lost his job and he lost the pack during his attempt to save Clary."

"I didn't-", started Alec, voice breaking. "I didn't know it was this bad..."

"Of course not", sighed Catarina and shook her head. "That's now why I'm telling you this, Alexander. I'm telling you, because my boyfriend is currently going through his own personal hell and there is _nothing_ I can do for him. We haven't been dating for long... I don't know as much about him as I would want to, but I still care deeply about him and I feel helpless. I feel helpless not knowing what to do to help him. I'm being there for him, best as I can, but I know I can't really do anything. I sent him to a friend of mine, a doctor, someone who can... help. I hope it will work, but until then all Madzie and I can do is be there for him. What I'm saying is that _you_ are trying your best, but you are in no position to help them. They need professional help, Alec."

Alec gritted his teeth, but he nodded. "Tell Luke..."

"He knows", chuckled Catarina with a sad smile. "He knows."

Nodding once more, Alec made his way over to his boyfriends. Jace had sat down on the bed, curled against Magnus, with Magnus having his good arm around Jace, holding him close. They both looked so broken and it broke Alec's heart even more.

"It hurts", grumbled Magnus with a pout aimed at Alec.

"The doctor said it's normal", supplied Jace, face buried in Magnus' neck.

"Well that doesn't mean it doesn't _hurt_ ", huffed Magnus with a glower.

"I'm sorry", whispered Jace, barely audible.

"What for?", sighed Magnus, nose pressed against Jace's hair.

"You lost your magic because of me and now you broke your arm because you couldn't use your magic and it's...", started Jace, shaking slightly.

"...I just wanted to open a portal for you to get home quicker", interrupted Catarina carefully.

The three turned toward her. Nearly sluggishly did they make they way through the portal Catarina opened, ending up right in Magnus' bedroom. Alec blinked as he watched his boyfriends sit down.

"It wasn't your fault, angel", stated Magnus after a long moment, taking a deep breath. "It wasn't your fault, it was _my choice_. I'd... I'd rather live one lifetime with the both of you and without my magic than eternity with the regret of not having saved you even though it was in my powers to save you. I have _no regrets_ , sweetheart."

Jace looked doubtful, but Magnus grasped his face and made him look at Magnus. "I have no regrets. I don't. I _love_ you. I love you and I love Alexander and if you had died like that, without me trying _everything_ to save you, it would have broken me and losing you would have broken Alexander and I would have lost both of you... I wouldn't have been able to bear."

"But your magic...", started Jace doubtfully. "It's such a big part of you..."

"And I will continue being bitter about my loss, yes", confirmed Magnus with a sigh. "It was always a big part of me, but I can... I can get used to being a mundane. I _can_. I am still alive, I can still do things, not magic, but other things. You... I... I could not lose you. I _couldn't_. I would do it again, every day of the week. Give my magic for your life, Jace."

Jace's eyes seemed to clear some at that, like he could grasp that, in a way. Alec took a shaky breath.

"I... I have to go and check in with Lydia. Will you two be fine?", asked Alec.

He needed to get out here. He loved Magnus and Jace, but right now, he couldn't stand being there, being where they both drowned themselves in guilt. Magnus felt guilty for having given Lilith the potion that broke Jace's love for his sister and had led to half the trouble they had to face. Jace felt guilty that Magnus had given up his magic for him. Alec felt guilty because he felt so _useless_.

/break\

Lydia was surprised when Alec walked into her office. He was supposed to be gone for at least two weeks for now. She had promised to take care of everything for him – and she also appreciated not having to live the long-distance relationship with Isabelle anymore this way. After Alec's return as head of the Institute, Lydia planned on transferring back to New York permanently.

"Alec? Is everything okay?", asked Lydia concerned.

"I needed some time to clear my head", sighed Alec and shook his head. "I just... I figured I would check in with you, see how things are going here."

Nodding briefly in acknowledgment, Lydia motioned for Alec to sit down and then she proceeded to run everything that had happened in the past three days by him. Routine helped. After everything he had been through, Alec most likely felt rather helpless, out of control. He was the kind of person who always had said control and to lose it now must make him feel powerless. If she could help by assuring him that everything here was under control, she was happy to indulge him.

"Lyd? You coming to bed soon?"

Lydia and Alec turned toward Izzy, in pink fluffy pajamas, hair in a braid. She blinked when she spotted her big brother, eyes widening. Lydia knew the two hadn't really spoken since everything went down with Lilith. Getting up from behind the desk, Lydia walked up to her girlfriend.

"Hello, love", whispered Lydia, kissing her. "I'll go and get ready for bed. You two can talk some?"

For a moment, Isabelle nuzzled into her before nodding. Lydia turned toward Alec for a last time, nodding at him before heading out of the room. The door closed behind her, leaving Alec and Isabelle alone. Alec shifted a little as Isabelle turned toward him.

"How are you doing, Alec?", asked Isabelle softly.

"I...", started Alec and shrugged. "I'm hanging in."

"Don't do that", pleaded Isabelle and shook her head, resting a hand on Alec's arm. "Don't shut me out, big brother. Please. I nearly lost _you_ , I nearly lost _Jace_ , I... I lost Clary... She was my best friend, Alec, and now she's... she's... _dead_ and Simon just... left. He has been feeling so guilty for what happened with Clary that he left to be with Maia for now. I have Lydia, but I..."

Knitting his eyebrows, Alec wrapped his arms around Isabelle and hugged her close. "I... I have no idea what I'm doing. I know what I _have_ to do, but... but it's... I can't help them myself and it feels so... I'll have to send Jace away and the thought _breaks me_ , Iz. I was supportive of him going to the Silent Brothers, but that was before I knew he was possessed and saw what it was like in his mind, Izzy. Y—You saw him, you saw how broken he was and... and I hate the idea of him being gone from me again and I know that's _awful_ , because of course do I want him to get better, but..."

"It's okay, Alec", assured Isabelle, hugging him close. "I get it. I know you want to keep him close right now and you hate that you can't help him personally... This is just something... that _has_ to happen, Alec. Jace needs the help. And while Jace gets the help he needs, you can... focus on yourself and Magnus. We're strong, we can... we can bounce back from this, even if it takes time."

"We... are", agreed Alec, face buried in Isabelle's hair. "Thanks, Iz."

/Three Months Later\

Magnus glowered as he climbed onto the short ladder they got in the kitchen now. His arm was healed again, it had taken forever. But this time, he was going to watch. He had taken the past three months to get used to his life as a mundie and while he still struggled and hated how _useless_ he felt whenever Alec and the Institute needed a warlock, Catarina had stepped up to help with that at least.

"What are you doing, Magnus?", asked Alec curiously.

"Making dinner for our sweetheart. He comes home today", stated Magnus with a pleased smile. "And you're _sure_ we shouldn't throw a party? Nothing too elaborate. Just, your siblings, Lydia, Imogen – I know she's been very concerned about Jace's recovery. Catarina and Luke?"

"No. Just the three of us, Magnus", sighed Alec with a smile, kissing Magnus softly. "Tonight, just the three of us. Lydia, Isabelle and Max are going to come over tomorrow. Imogen will come the day after. We don't want to overwhelm Jace. We... don't know how well he is."

Magnus sighed and wrapped his arms around Alec, leaning his forehead against his boyfriend's chest. "I... missed him _so much_ , Alexander. I guess I'm just jittery about seeing him again."

"Me too", hummed Alec, burying his nose in Magnus' hair. "I missed him too."

"Well then, let's go and pick him up. I do hope Jem wasn't too much of a bad influence on our precious angel", declared Magnus and took a deep breath. "Time to get our boyfriend back."

/break\

Jace smiled, a tentative one but a smile nonetheless. With the aid of the Silent Brothers' magic and abilities and some actual therapy, he was feeling _better_. He still had nightmares about what had happened and flashbacks in certain situations, but Jem had taught him coping mechanisms and ways to deal with both. He still mourned the loss of his sister, but he knew death was part of life. He knew there was nothing he could have done to save her. He knew that it had been Magnus' choice to give up his magic for Jace's sake and he was going to make the best of this second chance his boyfriend gave him instead of feeling guilty for it.

"I missed you so much, angel!", exclaimed Magnus as he wrapped his arms around Jace's waist and lifted him up enough to whirl him around. "You look... better, sweetheart."

Jace leaned down and kissed Magnus before he was being put down to the ground again. "I... I feel better too, I think. Jem says I should continue our weekly meetings. I'm down to weekly. When we started, we were at three a week, you know. But... yeah. I... I think it helped."

"Good", whispered Magnus, kissing Jace's face all over again.

"I'm sorry, but would you maybe hand him over, Magnus?", asked Alec unimpressed.

"A—Alec", groaned Jace with a broad smile, reaching out to pull his parabatai into their hug and also kiss him, slowly and deeply. "I missed you. I missed you both so much. I was tempted to write you both so often, but... Jem said it was important I'd focus on my own recovery and not allow myself to be distracted with what you guys are doing and in that time, the... the bond helped a lot. I could feel you were alright and I trusted that. I still missed you so much."

"Good", whispered Alec with a small smiled, caressing Jace's face. "Your grandmother, she made a full recovery. She was released from the hospital two months ago and got back into her job a month ago. She sends her love and said she'd come in two days, if you want to..."

"Yes", nodded Jace sharply. "I... I _know_ it wasn't _me_ who stabbed her. I know it wasn't my fault. I need to see her safe and alright. Yes. But for now..."

"For now it's just going to be us", assured Alec, kissing Jace again. "Just you, me and Magnus."

"Good", sighed Jace and relaxed some. "Mag...? How... are you doing?"

"Still majorly frustrated with all the mundie tasks, but... I'm getting better at it, I suppose", replied Magnus, linking hands with Jace, just as Alec took Jace's other hand. "I've been... seeing a therapist too, you know. About... _everything_. The body switch incident, visiting my father – my therapist is a warlock, no worries. And... I'm officially two months sober."

"I'm proud of you, both of you", smiled Alec as he watched his boyfriends.

And he _was_. He was so proud of them both and he knew, with enough time, they would be alright.

_~*~ The End ~*~_

**Author's Note:**

> Well. This one just had to happen after that half season finale and this tumblr prompt (come visit me at [takaraphoenix](https://takaraphoenix.tumblr.com/)) fit it perfectly. I just... all this pain? Magnus having lost his magic, Jace having gone through all this shit with the possession on top of all the shit prior to that, Clary believed to be dead. Seriously, Luke lost his daughter and his job and his pack all on the same day... They all just need a hug.


End file.
